25 Things about me !!

25 Things about me !!

1) I’m a typical Virgo, severely critical of myself and others and always over prepared.

2) Im a water baby.. I love to swim and used to tell myself when I was little that I was a mermaid in some other time.

3) I love the rains – the beauty as well as the muckiness of it..Rains make me smile from within.

4) I have a prickly conscience and have suffered a lot thanks to it

5) I love free-spirited people, who are not afraid to say their mind and not wary of experimenting and looking foolish. I’m so glad that a few have crossed my life.

6) I hate ‘ Know-it-all’ people who are calculated & cold in their conversations. Virtual databases of information but not an iota of common courtesy.

7) I hate long pauses and lack patience.

8) I love Shunka – my all time favorite bf. He has sat up by my side while I’ve been studying and been around in my deepest moments. He gets uncomfortable if he sees me cry – couldn’t ask for a better companion (plus he can never complain!!)

9) I can never remember the title of a song or the artist..never ever..all I can remember is maybe a line that caught my fancy or how it made me feel. This makes it very difficult for me to ever download songs from the internet!

10) I hate bullies, esp the pretty kind. Have dealt with them since school, through graduation and even at work. Have finally learnt to say ‘no’ to most of them. Lost many friends due to this but never missed them afterwards.

11) I love the adrenaline rush of adventure sports. I love nature in all its phases.

12) Though born and brought up in Bombay ( Ya- it will always be Bombay for me) I’m as Non-Bombay-ish as one can get. I have no sense of fashion, don’t like crowds ( Though I’m part of them I guess) and get lost on common roads all the time!

13) I have a high intelligence and a low emotional quotient. I’ve said & done some of the most stupid things only to realize them later.

14) But at the same time, I also know that whatever situation I’m in is my doing and no one else can really be blamed.

15) I get dreams in full-colour and often get the solutions to my problems played out I them. I deeply trust my dreams and the people I see in them.

16) I’ve just recently begun my journey of soul-searching & have a long way to go. Its hard to believe that I spent the first 25 years of my life being superficial and letting life whiz past without so much as a second thought.

17) I love to read & am an easily believe most spiritual books I read ( which I often get chided for). I’m a big fan of Paulo Coelho & Dr Brian Wiess’ work.

18) I keep all things given by friends. Whether it’s crochet sleeves & neckline made by Farah’s Grandmom , Ranade’s Eminem lyricson a piece of paper from pedo posting, Shalya’s note after debonding my braces, Aparna’s rose day card, Raksha’s cute lil smiley flower & many many more. I never tear or throw away wrapping paper..Guys I have all your wrapping papers right from forever !

19) I’m melodramatic when it comes to saying goodbyes – either to a place or person….how much ever I prepare myself mentally..I can never say good bye with a smile.

20) Im very grateful to have people around me who do not judge me .. Who tell me my strengths and weaknesses at face value and never try to fit me or my reactions into boxes ..

21) I get very Sentimental about my country – India, I swell up with pride everytime I sing our national anthem. I hate mass tragedies and cannot ever come to terms with them.

22) I have a healthy obsession for saving. Whether it’s from my pocket money or travel allowance, I will save as if my survival depends on it! My weakness lies in shoes ;)

23) I often feel I have a direct connect with Him, a hotline of sorts... which doesn’t need me to be sitting in a temple or praying in any manner…more like a radio channel that I tune into and have a word. Sometimes I can physically feel Him kiss my cheek to reassure me …

24) My motto in life- ‘Quality always scores’

25) The one thing I like to hear from my dearest ones and often end up telling myself – ‘ Its gonna be ok’

Talking flames..

Today we had a pooja at the crack of dawn..and while the panditji was going on and on with the chanting and the flames, and me and my sis were done cracking our usual pjs about how our parents did the rituals…and how everyone was maroing shortcuts to avoid repeatedly getting up or sitting down..some analogues have been cropping up in my head since morning thanks to the free time in front of the flames.

So I decided to inflict them upon those unsuspecting few who do follow me!! So reading ahead is definitely optional J

Analogy 1 :

Computers think in 1s and 0s right .. everything is calculable and finite. But if u actually ponder more..even our lives begin and end within these 2 numbers. Of course -everything is not finite , with decimals and grey shades in between but still life does begin at zero and finally everybody does reach 1 . It’s the segment in between.. the decisions we make to talk / ignore , the steps we chose to place our feet upon – those fractions we land on that decide how much time we take to reach ‘1’. We all do reach, with our plus signs and minuses..Its just how convoluted a path we take to get there. How many of those blocks which we thought would get us higher actually sink- and leave us below where we started. How many times we forgive ourselves and gather the will to continue the trek…

Life has this amazing quality – it blurs out hurtful things when it knows you cant bear it anymore..and when you think you have completely forgotten about it-it gets it back – in front of your face literally -only to remind you why you turned out the way you did – ofcourse-you feel like someone socked you in your guts – but it still feels liberating when you put one more piece of the puzzle in the right place..

Im not going to write analogy 2 – its too much –‘old wine in a new bottle-ey’…. J

Being ‘Me’

This does sound like a clichéd phrase – but well as unoriginal as it might be – its something that I have come to realize I dint know much about it till a short time ago.

Well its not like I was being a devilish – but well – I guess I was just existing- not ‘ being me’

Let me explain – In life we go through many phases – successes , failures and those deep-in-the depths-of-sorrow moments. We rise through them – angrily at first – ‘Why me ??’ , introspectively later – ‘ It-taught-me-something-about-myself’ every episode having an explanation , soon a reason and well even purpose. Learning from it becomes the highlight rather than the snag itself. But sometimes I find me questioning this euphoria of mine- was it really necessary ?? Was I not ‘grown up’ enough to make it turn the other way around?? And then the starting point of this vicious circle –Why me ?

Why me – to drop from one situation into another , why me – unwilling and even incapable of being happy when I so apparently have all I need , Why me – to find myself cribbing and polluting the lives of those close to me ..

That’s when I realized a lot about being me. Being a separate being. My actions, my words and my expressions. Taking myself seriously! The whole world was taking me seriously – except myself.

My words have meaning , my actions have reciprocations , repercussions – which all eventually lead to the ‘Why me’ situations! Lil late to be realizing to such so late !! But better late than never!!

Being here to experience the vast range of circumstances that have been laid out for me , the sorrows push me higher than the happiness ever can , they teach me so much about ‘Being Me’ that being happy would never make me realize. The whole purpose of this existence - to allow me to rise higher or fall – that choice –lies in each thought I think. Each word I say. Each feeling I express.

I feel like I was living dual lives for sometime now – one outside - very confident, ambitious, devil-may-care and another of self doubt , a prickly conscience and a vacuum like existence. Its time to merge the two.

Its difficult – coz what's inside feels fake to express outside having not done so for long and what's outside self-destructs as soon as it gets evaluated for authenticity inside…But the tussle continues…for its through this struggle will the true ‘me’ resurface…